PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

02 Mar PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

𝗦𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗲 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝘂𝗻.

WHAT ARE PERSONAL BOUNDARIES?

Healthy boundaries are a necessity for self-care. Whether big or small, our boundaries are essential and deserve to be respected. Healthy boundaries allow relationships to thrive – if you do not implement appropriate boundaries, this may lead to feelings of violation, resentment and disappointment.

Personal Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. They are seen as the basic guidelines that individuals create to establish how others are able to behave around them. These personal standards set the baseline as to how you want to be treated and are therefore essential to building healthy relationships.

When your boundaries are not strong – or you do not have any at all, you compromise what makes you the way you are – and this is how people loose themselves. When a loved one has an addiction, if you have poor or weak boundaries, this increases the chance of being cheated on, lied to, or stolen from.

When you choose to set strong boundaries with a loved one who has an addiction – you increase the potential of them seeking help!

SO, WHO NEEDS TO SET THESE BOUNDARIES?

YOU.

Every single individual involved in a relationship NEEDS to set boundaries – even more so when the person you share the relationship with has an addiction problem.

WHY ARE PERSONAL BOUNDARIES SO IMPORTANT?

Healthy boundaries are a necessity for self-care. Whether big or small, our boundaries are essential and deserve to be respected. Healthy boundaries allow relationships to thrive – if you do not appropriate boundaries, this may lead to feelings of violation, resentment and disappointment.

WHAT ARE THE TYPES OF PERSONAL BOUNDARIES?

Therapist Aid suggests that there are six types of personal boundaries, which people must be considerate of. These include physical boundaries, intellectual boundaries, emotional boundaries, sexual boundaries, material boundaries and time boundaries. 

Physical Boundaries include needs such as personal space, physical touch and other physical needs such as the need to eat, drink water, and rest. Healthy boundaries include mindfulness of what is considered to be appropriate, and what is not in different circumstances and types of relationships.

For example, what may be considered acceptable outside of the workplace, may be seen as pushing boundaries in a professional workplace setting. Physical boundaries are often violated when an individual invades your personal space or touches you when you do not want them to.

Intellectual Boundaries refer to your thoughts and ideas. Healthy boundaries include respecting other people’s thoughts and ideas, even when they conflict with your own. Intellectual boundaries are often violated when individual’s reject or depreciate another person’s thoughts or ideas.

Emotional Boundaries are all about respecting and honouring the feelings of another individual. Setting emotional boundaries is important as it allows you to recognise how much emotional energy you are able to take in and allows you to know when and when not to share personal information. Emotional boundaries are typically violated when someone belittles, criticises, or invalidates another individual’s feelings.     

Sexual Boundaries signify the intellectual, emotional and physical aspects regarding sexuality. Healthy boundaries include understanding and respecting a sexual partners limits and desires. These can be violated by pressuring someone into sexual acts, making unwanted sexual comments, not asking for consent or through unwanted touch.

Material Boundaries include items and possessions like a home, car, furniture and jewellery.It is healthy to know what you can and cannot share with other individuals, and how you expect your possessions to be treated by the people you share them with. These boundaries are violated when someone steals or damages another person’s item, or when they are pressured into lending something.

Time Boundaries refer to how an individual uses their time. Our time is incredibly valuable in today’s society, so it is important to protect how it is utilised. A person must set aside enough time for each areas of their life such as hobbies, work and relationships. Setting time boundaries is essential to having enough time for each of these areas and helps to avoid overcommitting. When you have a strong understanding of your priorities, it makes it much easier to limit the time you spend with others.

SIGNS THAT YOU NEED TO SET OR STRENGTHEN EXISTING BOUNDARIES

There are often telltale signs that boundaries need to be set or further established. Some of the common signs include:

• You bring up issues from the past.
• You constantly criticise.
• You guilt trip your partner.
• You feel like you are constantly trying to change your partner or tell them what to do, explaining what will happen if they do not listen.
• You cover up for your partner on regular occasions.
• You are taken advantage of by your partner.
• You avoid conflict as much as possible.

HOW CAN YOU SET AND KEEP PERSONAL BOUNDARIES?

Boundaries are what happen when you sense yourself and what you need and want. The more that we put boundaries in place, the more that we recognise them. By setting boundaries this also allows us to make it clear for others what we expect, this helps people to show up in a way that suits your boundaries and also helps us to become better at showing up for them.

Boundaries can be set around drugs and alcohol in the home. About friends who may use being in your home. Also around what might happen if the person you love is arrested, how they treat you, or being honest about drug use.

Here are some tips to help you set and maintain your personal boundaries:

• Decide what your core values are.
• Clearly identify your boundaries.
• Understand why you need these boundaries.
• Decide the consequences if your boundaries are not respected.Be direct – say what you mean and mean what you say.
• Don’t apologise for having boundaries.
• Address violations early – don’t wait for someone to repeat these actions before you say something.

Often there is no ‘one-size-fits-all,’ even more so in instances where your loved one has an issue with addiction. All you can do is try your best, set boundaries and take back what you feel is important. At the end of the day, setting boundaries is important for you and your partner – especially if they are entangled in the chaos of addiction.

Make this the time for change by putting in place the steps to manage, and set boundaries for yourself.

RESOURCES

You can read more information about personal boundaries below:

Therapist Aid Article: https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout

Tracy Hutchinson PH.D. Article: https://www.drtracyhutchinson.com/what-are-personal-boundaries-and-why-are-they-important/

Break the Cycle Article: https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/setting-boundaries-relationship

Healthline Article: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries

PsychCentral Article: https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-are-personal-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some#1

Relationships Australia Article: https://www.relationshipswa.org.au/courses-workshops/setting-healthy-boundaries

Psychology Today Article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/romantically-attached/201608/4-ways-set-and-keep-your-personal-boundaries

The Resilience Centre Article: https://www.theresiliencecentre.com.au/boundaries-why-are-they-important/

MBG Relationships Article: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/six-types-of-boundaries-and-what-healthy-boundaries-look-like-for-each

Lisa Catallo Counselling Article: https://www.lisacatallocounselling.com/blogarticles/areasforboundaries

Thrive Global Article: https://thriveglobal.com/stories/8-steps-to-setting-healthy-boundaries/

If you or a family member are experiencing issues with addiction of any kind, please reach out.  We would love to chat to you. We are here to support not judge.

By Phone      1300 766 925

Email              info@whitehavenclinic.com.au

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